Lift The Bar

In the world of personal training, we often use the term self-sabotage when clients struggle to stick to their plans or achieve their goals. However, it may not accurately reflect what is happening and instead a more precise, compassionate phrasing to describe these patterns would be ‘maladaptive behaviours. Unlike self-sabotage, which implies intentional harm, maladaptive behaviours are unconscious habits or responses that interfere with progress. They are not deliberate acts of resistance but rather ingrained patterns that can arise from stress, past experiences, or even neurodiversity.

These behaviours are complex and deeply individual. Labelling them as self-sabotage risks oversimplifying the issue and placing blame on the client, which can damage trust and motivation. As trainers, recognising the nuanced nature of these behaviours is essential for creating supportive and effective coaching relationships.

Why Language Matters

The words we use shape the way clients perceive themselves and their journey. Referring to someone’s struggles as self-sabotage can feel accusatory, even if unintended. By adopting a less-emotive term such as maladaptive behaviours, we acknowledge that these patterns are often unconscious and influenced by factors beyond the client’s immediate control. This shift in language promotes empathy and encourages a collaborative approach to overcoming challenges.

Compassionate Coaching Strategies

When a client appears to be stuck or repeatedly deviates from their plan, the key is curiosity rather than judgement. Open-ended questions such as “What do you think made this week challenging?” or “How do you feel about your progress so far?” invite dialogue and help uncover underlying beliefs or habits. These conversations may reveal that a client’s behaviour is linked to stress, unrealistic expectations, or past experiences that shape their relationship with health and fitness.

It is also important to recognise the limits of our role. While we can provide guidance and support, some issues may require professional help beyond the scope of personal training. Referring clients to counselling or mental health resources, when appropriate, demonstrates care and professionalism. Of course, these kinds of conversations can feel challenging, so practising these and becoming comfortable with sensitive topics will ensure that we’re able to respond in the moments its needed with confidence and compassion.

Sample Questions for Trainers

To help you navigate these conversations, here are some practical, non-judgemental questions you can use:

• “What do you feel has been the biggest challenge for you this week?”
• “When things don’t go as planned, what usually gets in the way?”
• “How do you feel about the progress you’ve made so far?”
• “What does success look like for you right now?”
• “What do you want to do this week?”
• “Are there any habits or routines that feel harder to maintain than others?”
• “What support would make this easier for you?”
• “How do you think you could change that response if it happens again?”
• “Have you noticed any patterns when things feel more difficult?”
• “Would you like to explore strategies together, or do you feel external support might help?”

These questions encourage reflection without blame and help you understand the client’s perspective. They also open the door to collaborative problem-solving and empower the client, which is far more effective than simply prescribing solutions.

The Bigger Picture

Understanding maladaptive behaviours is not about excusing poor adherence; it is about addressing the root causes of struggle in a way that empowers clients. By moving away from the notion of ‘self-sabotage’ and embracing a more empathetic framework, personal trainers can foster trust, resilience, and long-term success. Ultimately, our goal is to help clients build sustainable habits, and that begins with meeting them where they are, without judgement, and with genuine curiosity.